3-2

The following day, Partizani would suit up once again, to face league rivals Sporting Astoria (for the umpteenth time).  The teams have grown so accustomed to each other, that when Elton Lalaj will get married, Chile will be his best man.  Due to some minor administrative error (not reserving a field), Partizani and Sporting would have to climb human fences and walk on dog feces, in order to play this encounter.  Lalaj defended his administrative blunder by saying, “You are such a girl, go play with dolls with skirts”.  This young man is the official spokesperson for Chuck E. Cheeses.  After minor complaining, the match was underway.  Missing a few players due to treason, the reds relied on Bardhi to provide the much needed offensive bite. Unfortunately, he had been eating quite well so he was not hungry.  This game marked the return of Elsen, to the delight of some players.  A Turkish player was also on trial and was ready to impress. The first minutes of the game resembled the feces on the ground and neither team was able to control the game.  Partizani struck first after an incursion and subsequent shot by Pirrosi was spilled by the keeper.  Elsen was there to tap it home and give the reds the momentary lead.  Sporting answered the challenge and pulled two goals back shifting the lead.  The goals were not so much a result of good soccer on behalf of Sporting but a result of the inexistent defending by Partizani.  Chris playing in midfield as opposed to guarding the goal might have had something to do with it.  The first half ended on a 2-1 for Astoria.  Partizani started the second half in a more determined fashion and actually started moving.  The score would be leveled as Pirrosi controlled a cross from Vangjeli and quickly released Elsen on a through ball.  Turkmenistan did not let the chance go to waste and lobbied the keeper. Welcome back.  In the mean time, Peter Pan Lalaj (he doesn’t want to grow up) was greatly disturbed by the fact that he was substituted.  He was so mad that he killed a lamb and used it’s blood to paint his cave.  He hates Geico commercials.   However, having the good of the team at heart and not wanting to sit on dog poop, Lalaj cooled off and was back in action.  Sporting Astoria began to crank up the voltage and introduced Chile, who looks like one of the Super Mario brothers but rounder.  After seeing some of his attempts go wide, Chile was determined to score, and score he did. A throw in from the left released Chile in the penalty box. The Sporting mascot easily shrugged Zejnati off and put the ball beyond Niko.  The score would not change and Astoria earned a 3-2 win over Partizani.  To add insult to injury, the President was ticketed by the Park Po Po for illegal parking. This came at an unfortunate time because he is still paying his fine for contaminating Holy water at a church when baptized.  An angry Lalaj put on his headphones and blasted “Forever Young” by Jay-Z.  The Turkish player gave coach Arapi a piece of his mind by saying, “You so no organized, you have some play midfield and some play attack, not like united”.  Thank you for the wisdom.   

3-2

 “Show me the meaning of being lonely”.  Partizani’s current form reminds this handsome writer of the 1998 debut album (totally made that up) of the Backstreet Boys.  It really is lonely at the top. Lonely because the red devils are playing some exquisite soccer and no one seems to be at their level. It is like being a really hot chick in Minnesota.  The intricate passing and clinical finishing are just afterthoughts of a complete team bursting with talent.  Coach Arapi conducts this finely tuned orchestra like the great Luciano Pavarotti.  Its midnight, return your shoes Cinderella and wake up from your dream.

                What a weekend it has been for Partizani.  Saturday they played host to local outfit Queens Borough Community College. Metropolitan Oval was the venue and the Sun showed up on time.  To make the morning encounter even sweeter, Dj Metro put on some Hip Pop to the delight of Elton Lalaj. He likes to mix Albanian traditional music with Biggie Small and he calls it “Hip Poop”    The usual eleven started for Partizani with Erosi being supported by Pirrosi and Niko (coming of a chipped tooth injury).  Nikolin “the mean” made his debut along with Vani “Van Dami”.  QBCC also relied mostly on the usual suspects, however they fielded some new faces to the line-up.  The beginning minutes of the encounter were slow and strategic (like Robi).  QBCC broke the deadlock on the half hour mark with some less-than-baby defending by Whitecastle Zejnati (he is very greasy and not good for you). Coach Arapi decided to shuffle the deck and introduce Telegrafi, and his impact was immediate (the ground shook).   A quick counter attack by Partizani and a good combination between Telegrafi and Erosi brought the game back to level.  The President yelled out, “Pirrosi still hasn’t scored, ha ha ha”.  The combustion chamber inside Pirrosi was bursting like a KIA engine and he was motivated to put the pedal to the metal and put this game away.  Soon after, Pirrosi pulled out a dusty old box and pulled out something he had never used before: pressure.  Sure enough, after some purposeful pressuring, Partizani’s number 11 robbed the defender and released a pinpoint accurate cross to Telegrafi.  “The mailman” then released a shot that was parried and spilled by the keeper. Pepa was there to collect the spoils and the reds went ahead.  It was Pepa again who bagged a second goal.  Partizani started to put the game on cruise control as they dominated the later part of the game.  QBCC pulled a goal back but it was too late and Partizani earned a 3-2 victory. 

The President of FC Partizani NY (right) gave his first interview for the official website of the team today, discussing past performances, what he expects for the rest of the season and also about the plans he has for the future.

- Hello Mr. President. Thank you for your time
- Hello everyone, and it's my pleasure to speak for the official website of FC Partizani NY

- The first question. What do you think about the last five season of Partizani in the Cosmopolitan Soccer League?
- We had a rough start in the first season. Our roster was mainly made up of players who were trying to get accustomed to the shape of the soccer ball. But little by little we added some talent to the team. Many great players have played for Partizani in the past, and some of them continue to be part of the squad even today. But we have also had some terrible players, some of whom, unfortunately, are still in the team.

- How is this season going so far?
- We're having a good season. We got some important wins during the first half and if we win most of the remaining games we have our chances of earning promotion to the 2nd Division.

- What's the status of the squad right now?
- Well, we're just coming off a long break, so players will suit up for the first time this weekend in our exhibition match. We expect a lot of extra pounds on our players, but we'll have time to get in shape for the start of the season. Our coach is leading by example, by starting a 10:00PM curfew, and the players should follow.

- Did the team train at all during the break?
- Not at the levels of training that we go through during the season, but yes. Our captain has filed over 765 tax returns so far, so his fingers should be in top shape, especially the index finger which he uses to press "Enter" for E-File. Some players interned at Hooters during the winter break, so we expect them to be well rested and in great upper body shape for the start of the season. Our keeper, Cloud, went to Alaska, so he should defrost in time for the first match. Edlo has had some weight issues, so the coach will have to think hard in order to find a starting spot for a smart mouthed, not so skilled, 200 pounder. Erosi is just a big mystery. He might show up drunk, overweight, sexier than ever or just his old self. We'll have to wait and see. Robi has been training on his own but the bad weather has made it difficult for him to get to the gym, 132 ft. away from his house.

- Will there be any changes in the roster?
- Some players might not return to the team. We'll probably know the names soon. We have also added a few new players, while there are four more players that will go through a trial period. "Maloku" might return to the team, which would a great boost for the team and a dream come true for one of his fellow strikers.

- What are the goals for the 2009/10 season?
- Earn promotion. That is the main goal. We were also focusing on getting to the third round in the Cup, but we failed. So if we fail to get the promotion as well, the coach should start looking for  anew job. But I am also looking for beautiful soccer from the team. We have achieved that to some degree this season. You can tell by looking in the stands as well, as the number of fans has increased to 4. Add Pirrosi, and we have a record breaking crowd of 5.

- Do you have anything to say to our first official opponents, Astoria Lions?
- This is not the African Cup of Nations!!!

- Thank you Mr. President, it was a pleasure.
- Thank you.

FC Partizani will face Maroccian side Astoria Lions in the first game after the winter break. Partizani will need to start strongly and be consistent if they are to have a chance at promotion this season.

Full Schedule:

March 7: Preseason Friendly

March 14: FC Partizani NY - Astoria Lions

March 21: Albanian Open Cup [Teams to be announced]

March 28: BW Gottschee - FC Partizani NY

April 4: Friendly Game [Teams to be announced]

April 11: FC Partizani NY - Mr. Dennehey

April 18: Astoria Lions - FC Partizani NY

April 25: Sporting Astoria - FC Partizani NY

May 2: VV Niew Amsterdam - FC Partizani NY

May 9: FC Partizani NY - Korabi